After President Trump’s bid to buy Greenland was rejected, Gazette contributor ALAN HAYMAN asks what bizarre property plans he might think of next.

You have to feel sorry for the guy. Donald John Trump, that is.

At 73, he’s allegedly the world’s most powerful man, and leader of the Free World to boot.

Yet when he got his cheque book out to buy up Greenland the other day, the owners just said no.

The 50,000 Inuit who live on this huge, frozen island said the only White House they want on their territory is an Eskimo igloo.

With no kind of gratitude, they preferred being ruled by the Queen of Denmark to taking a chance on the Donald.

As a result, the notoriously thin-skinned American President promptly tore up his royal invitation to visit Copenhagen in a huff.

Feathers were ruffled all round, and Denmark has joined Canada and Mexico on the long list of countries Mr Trump won’t be touring any time soon.

But all is not lost. I have a modest proposal that may find favour instead, so please don’t lock up your cheque book just yet, Mr President.

How about you buy that prime piece of real estate called Mersea Island?

If a deal can be struck, the Strood would become a short land bridge from Britain to America, securely walled at each end to deter illegal migrants.

A gold-plated replica of Trump Tower could easily be knocked up in West Mersea, while East Mersea might become a splendid new golf course built on a Trumpian scale.

To lure American tourists to their country’s newest territory, there could be tastings of Mersea oysters and the excellent local white wine, plus safaris for US trophy hunters wanting to massacre the island’s cute red squirrels.

In a few years’ time, global warming means that Mersea will rival California for year-round sunshine.

As as sterling drops through the floor ahead of Brexit, the pound and the dollar will soon be worth about the same.

So switching over to the greenback on Mersea will hardly be noticed. It should mean happy smiling faces all round.

Yet all may not be plain sailing, especially when the buyer once co-authored a book called the Art of the Deal.

What’s a fair price for one of Her Britannic Majesty’s best coastal possessions?

The islanders of Mersea know their rightful value, and they may not come cheap.

Back in 1867, the United States bought Alaska from the Russian Empire for a bargain 7.2 million dollars.

Mersea Island may be a tad smaller, but allowing for inflation, I don’t see how it could go for less.

Mersea is deceptively spacious, as the estate agents put it.

Unlike Alaska of course, which is just plain spacious. So how about $7.2 million as the guide price for the island, with a buyer’s bonus of cheeseburgers and full-fat Coke to encourage Mr Trump to exchange contracts?

Oh, we could also try asking America for a payment of £350 million a week to help the NHS.

No wait…maybe you’ve already heard that one.

It’s an outrageous idea, anyway.

Some things shouldn’t be for sale, even under a UK-US free-trade deal.

We can’t just let fat-cat Americans buy up our precious resources of land and public services for any old price they fancy. Can we?

“We are open for business, but we are not for sale,” is how Greenland’s foreign minister dismissed President Trump’s attempt to buy her country.

Maybe those canny folk in their igloos have something to tell us - about not selling off our birthright for a fistful of US dollars.